Calisthenics
Show smell
The Smell of East Harlem
Crossing over into El Barrio wasn’t a thing you saw. Yeah you could know that 116 street and Madison Avenue was the demarcating line, but that wasn’t just it. Rosemary candles wisped Santeria blessed smoke nose-diving down the hill, caught by the outstretched ring hands of blancitos waving down off duty cabs. A couple blocks in empty Ragu cans imitate Rao’s twisting my neck north-south, I’m not there yet. Lexington, no battle, except between the grease and cornmeal battered chicarron. Timex on my side I stroll on as Cuchifritos perfume dances bomba behind me, triangles ringing the chains slaves dancing on the coast.
I love this! There are so many things I had to look up which is good since you are being specific in your language.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a way the first two sentences of the text could be blended together because at this point it sounds a little redundant. The text says that crossing over the demarcating line was not something you saw and then explains that it could be something you saw but that wasn’t all. So by saying that it wasn’t something you saw there is no need to explain that what is seen is not all there is to it. Does that make sense? I hope so. Maybe this could work better:
“Crossing over the demarcating line of 116 St. and Madison Avenue into El Barrio wasn’t something you saw, but smelled.” Maybe saying it was something you smelled is too outright? What do you think?
Since bomba is a dance there is no need for the text to say that the Cuchifritos’ perfume danced the bomba. “Cuchifritos’ perfume bombas behind me…”
Also certain things like grammar could be fixed. Maybe try reading it aloud to see where some things could be worked on? If you want some help just say so and I’d be happy to!
Yes, I agree. This is fantastic writing. Vivid, imagistic. Now what about the speaker? How does he feel about all this? How do you negotiate that line between wistful sentimentality and harsh rebuke? Review Walcott's "Sabbaths, W.I." in our text again, and see if you can mirror the way he does it.
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