Response 2, Week 7

Daniel Free w/ a lil’ creative erasure

I’m biting my upper lip drawing mentos and Nyquil from my lungs Biting the upper
arc of my skin hoping to shed off the inadequacies of Mr. Jackson.
But they got caught in the nose
Knowing I’m snorting all these words can’t be good for my health so I sweated myself for the answers. And I found I blew my adjectives below the gut and
I digress though cause the words trickled down my knees appeasing the cardiac
only to be received by years of experience defecting the verbs to move faster so the sentence scatters to my higher abdomen
propelling many words up my back with haste.
Never slacking just wasting all the forms of a verb that could please and they hit
the arch of my neck with ease.
Peep though, they fell victim to the missed disk in my spinal cord so they tripped, missing my thorax hitting the lining the lining o
f my esophagus trying to get outside
but I’m pulling them back in. So I threw upwards and it hit my mind frame and my mind state started conjugating the different nouns and verbs.

My Response

The similes in this piece are very clever and work with the images that are created by the text; creates a vibrant image. I think that this piece suffers from too much specificity; in being so specific it seems like a laborious effort to describe and is thought about too much. I think this makes it very internalized instead of reaching a middle ground between the public and the private. I think a little more creative erasure and then expansion can help balance the piece out so that accessibility doesn’t become barren language and specificity doesn’t end up as in your head.