Improv Week 9
That he knew would remind her that he remembered
the little details about her,
& asked her to retitle their relationship,
Again. I told her congratulations with a smile
That I save for grandma's handmade sweaters every year for Christmas
As I ached to remind her that Ben and Jerry’s Rocky Road
Never undid the goodbyes delivered by text message instead
of by the mouth that now kisses her between the words
Baby, Forgive me, and I love you.
My response:
This piece reminds me of some of the work that we did in the beginning of the year with the showing and the telling discussion. The first two lines show the frustration that the narrator expresses through the relationship. I would like to see more about the little details, and you do that with the Ben and Jerry’s line –reminds me of some komunyakaa moonpies- but there needs to be more out.
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