Passive into Active
The Math problem was hard :
His School-Bus yellow, Dixon-Ticonderoga became a whittled down yellow taxi-cab, back fender eaten up like in too many accidents. But no off duty signs flashed today, it was all or nothing.
Kim was angered by her boyfriend:
Pulling a Kim was not thought of as a verb, until post emancipation Kim raged so hard, Rage had to put its tails between its legs. Freedom from sexual honesty meant Kim could be the women in her mothers photo’s albums protesting Nixon, and dancing in fields filled with bodies, moving, touching, not slumped over from pounds of napalm.
It was a nice spring day:
The water fountains are back on, the old guys in the park are sitting with their bud lights and that brown paper bag wrinkled like those faces watching basketball game after basketball game. And how could we not forget the kids who court this is, trying to assert dominance, oh yes heat is in the air.
These are great. I love how you turned a pencil into first a school bus then a taxi cab and then continued with that comparison at the end.
ReplyDeleteThe second one is good too, but I feel like you could be more specific with how Kim "raged so hard..." I love the next part about the photo album; it's specific and it develops Kim's character.
The third one is just as good, but, while I can picture the kids who own the court, I think there's more room for specificity there too. Great job though.